Special Prosecutor Justifies Existence, I. Libby Guilty

Libby Found Guilty For Refusing to Disclose His First Name


The Associated Press reported today that former White House aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby was convicted Today of obstruction, perjury and lying to the FBI.

Libby, the former chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney, was accused of lying and obstructing the investigation into the 2003 leak of CIA operative Valerie Plame's identity to reporters. Libby was also charged with lying and obstructing the investigation of his first name.

Prosecutors said he discussed CIA Operative and Bush blasting former Ambassador Joseph Wilson's wife Valarie Plame's name with reporters and, fearing prosecution, made up a story to make those discussions seem innocuous. Worse, Libby lied to the F.B.I. and the grand jury about his real name. High level sources indicated that Libby's real first name is neither Lewis nor Scooter.

Special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald said that was a lie. But Libby's defense team had argued that it would be unfair to convict Libby in a case where so many witnesses changed their stories or had memory problems.

Fitzgerald was said to be glad to, "finally bag the big one," referring to an executive aide. In what few people understand, Fitzgerald was not doggedly prosecuting Libby for lying to a grand jury or obstruction of justice, regarding the CIA leak, that stuff happens every day in Washington. What got Fitzgerald mad as an Irish Hatter was that Libby repeatedly lied about what his real name was.

I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby had at first evaded FBI agents about what the "I" in his name stood for. At first he said Ignatious, then it was Iggy, then Izzy etc., etc. The frustrated agents pushed Fitzgerald to put Libby before a grand jury to make him spill his guts about his real first name; and an initial was no longer going to be good enough. But an obstinate Libby continued to lie about his name.

While letting other, "more forthright" defendants such as Karl Rove [can't get anymore straightforward name than that] go, Fitzgerald gathered the full might and power of the United States Government to punish Libby for his big "lie." Fitzgerald was said to be livid that Libby thought he could get away with "this Scooter scam."

Members of the media where ahgast at the verdict. Even Tim Russert exclaimed, "I always called him Scooter, the name seemed natural to me." Presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, stated that in the history of the presidency no executive aide had ever attempted to lie about his name.

Scooter, we hardly new ya.